An Introvert Walks Into a Bar…

“I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I’ve just finished my milk.” – Moss from IT Crowd

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If I told you I was an introvert (and you’ve met me) you’d probably think I was nuts.

“You’re more apt to grin like a loon and fist bump me than you are to whisper a hello and hightail it in the other direction!”, is probably what you’d say.

But…nevertheless, I am an introvert.  In fact…I am a very common Introverted Extrovert. My idea of a night from HELL is heading to a club to bump and grind with people I don’t know.  I’ve been known to press myself up against walls so as not to be spotted when the doorbell rings. And you couldn’t PAY me enough to speak to a random stranger on the street.

I. HATE. People in my bubble. Buuuut…I have manners.  If I see you and you see me…and we see each other? Then you better believe I’m going to introduce myself and just make it all as quick and painless as possible.

It’s not that I don’t want to KNOW you!  It’s just that…well…I don’t want to MEET you.  0_o  I’m a lot nicer than that sounds…

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So, that all being explained, I have a little story for you.  In my last post, all about me throwing myself into the dating pit of despair, I explained that I was challenging myself by joining a dating website.  I was breaking through my hesitations of meeting new, single people and just…going for it.  Balls to the wall. Full throttle.  Screw my inhibitions.

And it’s been working…relatively.  I usually have to down a bit of liquid courage to get the guts to answer a message from someone on the site…but it’s a VAST improvement!!  I’ve even been on a date!!

So, I was drinking the afore mentioned “liquid courage” with Josh the other night.  He had plans later in the evening, so it was up to my adult self to make the decision.  Either I stay home and wallow in my self misery and loneliness while watching reruns of “Different Strokes” …ooooor I could pull myself together and find something to do.

My problem is, I don’t know what lonely adults do!!  My idea of a good time has always been to kick back with a book, a classic movie, a glass of wine…but I’ve recently been thrown into this sub culture of activity!!  Quiet Friday nights (while still nice and something I will probably always crave) have become few and far between. I’ve gotten used to heading out with Brittney, Terri or Josh to explore this wonderful new city I’m living in.

So what’s a girl to do when all her (3) friends are busy with dates or couple’s night in?

According to a few VERY reliable adult sources, they “grow a pair”, sidle up to a bar…and start making conversation with strangers.

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Remember that “night from hell” I described earlier?  Yeah…you can paper clip THAT idea to the “night from hell” file folder. This “master plan” had been suggested to me a few times from a few different friends…and I’d always brushed them off by saying “no no no no no…that’s just not me”. And I still stand by that statement!

Bars and I are NOT besties.

I would go as far as to say that bars for me are the equivalent of that distant uncle that your family tries to avoid but who pops up on your Facebook wall every now and then to make odd statements that don’t quite make sense to anybody.  (Possibly because he was drunk at the time…).

Well…this night was different.  My emotions finally came to a head and got the better of my loneliness.  I had NO interest in watching “Love Actually” for the hundredth time while getting shloshed on red wine from Walgreens. I WANTED TO MEET PEOPLE DAMN IT!!!

Sooo…I gussied myself up.  Straightened my hair. Put on make up and a cute outfit…and made the decision to (despite the sludge which seemed to have congealed in the pit of my stomach) walk over to J-Pub for a drink.

I was willingly going off the deep end.

What was my master plan? I was determined to walk in. Find a stool at the bar.  Order a rum and coke and strike up a VERY brave conversation with the equally lonely and hot guys sitting to my left and my right. (Oh yes…in my head I was surrounded by hot men.)

With my confidence in check, this “master plan” was going swimmingly…until I entered the bar and noticed the gaping hole in my imaginings. There wasn’t a lack of hot men!  Oh no…there were PLENTY of THEM fish in the sea. In fact, there were SO MANY hot men, that the bar was packed! (Minus the area at the far end where the slightly over weight balding guy was crying into his beer. But I decided I had higher standards than that…).

Here is where you’d be proud of me, though.  Instead of looking around, pretending to find someone who obviously wasn’t there and then leaving the bar while texting said “imaginary” person (oh yes…this was definitely one of the potential plans), I decided to grab my rum and coke and go watch the OTHER herd of hot guys playing beer pong.

Let’s rephrase that last statement.  I decided to grab my rum and coke and go AWKWARDLY watch the other herd of hot guys playing beer pong FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!!

Yes ladies and gents…I stood around with a drink and watched strangers play beer pong for an hour and a half.

Face/palm.

HERE is where I finally decided to throw in the towel.  I grabbed my coat and what was left of my third rum and coke and headed to the bar to close out my tab.

I was looking forlornly at my glass, proud of myself for getting out and yet a little depressed that not ONE hot guy had even noticed me…when low and behold,  A PRETTY ATTRACTIVE GUY TURNED AROUND IN FRONT OF ME AND SAID (and I am SO not kidding)…

“HI!!! I’m Nick!!  You look lonely and should come hang out with us!”

All in one sentence!!  Just like that!! So after quick introductions to his friend Veronica (who turned out to be my cohort in social crime for the rest of the evening), we grabbed what would be my VERY FIRST screwdriver and headed back to meet the rest of the hooligans.

I made friends!!!!!!!!!  And at 1am I was texting the three friends that couldn’t make it out with me to tell them about my social albeit awkward victory!!  (They were all VERY proud…).

Sooo…to wrap up this really long story…

“An introvert walks into a bar and says OUCH…but then picks herself right back up again and blames it on the alcohol.”

 

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